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"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
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children in adult jails
"Another Day That Will Live In Infamy"

UPDATED : NOVEMBER 20

Senate Geared to Fight Terrorism
By DICKY FIREBIRD
Portable nerve gas sensors were distributed to all US Senators this morning to rapidly detect the presence of certain nerve agents and to track the movements of the deadly plumes.
- Senators Drafted Into Elite Military Comando Unit

Britney Spears Vs. Nerve Gas
By MARY HARPER MARY HARPER
The United States fears that Baghdad aims to shield its soldiers during an Iraqi screening of Britney Spears' latest hit music video yet large orders for giant liquid crystal plasma screens by Toshiba ™ were placed with Turkish suppliers.
- Iraqi Leaders Learn About Britney Fan Club On-Line
- A Country Willing to Die to Pay Tribute to Spears
- Complete Coverage: Standoff With Britney

F.B.I. Attacks H.S.D.
By SLICK BUTTERBUISCIT
Like a typical episode of Serge's Spy vs. Spy the F.B.I. has initiated a crime wave in an effort to protect its turf and re-claim operational budget spending swallowed by the Homeland Seurity Department.

In the Aftermath of 66 Tornadoes Terrorist Investigations Continue
By MARGRET HALFINGER
Dozens of tornadoes sliced their way across much of the nation recently, prompting a complete shakedown of Taliban prisonners in search of clues.
- Slide Show: Stuff to Do When You're Locked in Prision
- Twisters Came In Unshaven Swarms

children in adult jails
Goiters
Lt. Ryan Kuo commands his tank during maneuvers this week in Eastern Kuwait, adopting an offensive posture.

HEALTH
Bush to "Act Sick" During Panel Citing Health Care Crisis

NATIONAL
Nuns Bring Hell to Mississippi Town

INTERNATIONAL
Peace Talks Supporter Wins Israeli Lottery, Snubs Labor Party

EDITORIALS/OP-ED
Osama: Crazy in the 'Hood


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