"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
 
"Another Day That Will Live In Infamy"

UPDATED : NOVEMBER 7

Victorious Republicans Prepare Drive-By to Enforce Bush Agenda and Judgeship Nominees
By ALISTONE MITCHIE 9:21 AM ET
Republicans began gassing vehicles and buying ammunition at Wal-Mart as they savored the thought of sweeping through deemed "liberal" neighborhoods to secure control of the Capitol.
• Democrats : What The "New America" Shoots !
• Gephardt Whisked Off in Mysterious White Van
• Socks the Cat Mastermind of Big Victory

Prayers for Victory Answered for Bush and His Buddies
By R. APPLEHEAD Jr. 9:22 1/2 AM ET
In the wake of the midterm elections, President Bush is already counting on Democrats to bow thier heads and pray to the "New America".
• Prayer Robes Issued to All Senators
• Republican Party "We Gonna Pray Hardy Yo!"

Vote Purifies Already Rebelious South
By DAVID M. HARBINGER 9:28 AM ET
Republican Good Ole Boys in Georgia took down the last Union Flag and burned it in a ceremonious display of "New Separatist Patriotism" which completes a centuries-long revolt across the region.
• Interactive Feature: South's Matchstick G.O.Boys
• 2 in Alabama Governor's Race Burn at Stake

Bush Facing 2 Challenges: His Drinking and the Remains of Economy
By UNCLE FLOYD 9:Thirty AM ET
A victorious President Bush must now confront himself in the mirror and convince that particular semi-recovered drunk that a faltering economy and a sexless mariage ain't nothing a new intern couldn't shake before seeking re-election in two years.
• Fed Cuts Key Rate: "Why the Hell Not" says Greenspan
• Wall St. Wants Nonpolitical Executivre in Chief

 

Associated Piss

Alleged President, George W. Bush spoke on Wednesday to an unidentified intern who will inform him of her availability for an important "project".

INTERNATIONAL
U.S. Gives U.N. an Iraq Measure, Seeks 3/4 Cup of Sugar to Wash War Plan Down America's Throat

SPORTS
Tiny Guy Leaves Giants

INTERNATIONAL
Turkey Waits and Wonders: How Closely Bound to Islam Is Erection?

NATIONAL
Winona Ryder : "I Got all I Could Before Store Closed"


 


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